Thursday, October 30- Joan Rivers

                                      

                         A Day In the Life of Joan Rivers

  I walk into my latest plastic surgery consultation. My nose isn't quite fitting my face anymore due to my new jawline. Goodness, the people in this waiting room just don't know how to dress themselves do they? What is with the lumpy knitted sweaters? My Prada pumps click on the wooden floor as I walk to Dr. Wilson's office. He argues that my face can't handle anymore plastic surgery. I tell him he will lose a patient if he won't do the surgery. I walk out of the office into my limo feeling accomplished. Off to work. The E! offices are busy this sunny L.A. day. Many people stop and stare as I walk to the Fashion Police set. I change outfits and have my makeup and hair done. I can never wear the same look twice. After hours of insulting people's bad fashion sense, I head home to get ready for a Red Carpet event. I dress in a long, elegant black gown with a fitted white blazer. Yes, I am a fabulous 81 year old. All of the supermodels, actresses, and even Kardashians fight to talk to me. Apparently I am a huge fashion leader in this industry. I have a few bland conversations with poorly dressed rich women and party with Giulianna Rancic for hours. She is one of the few people I actually like. She dresses up to par. I head home, remove my makeup, and dress in silk Chanel button down pajamas. Tomorrow is the day I get my new new nose!

Tuesday, October 28 - Character,Setting, Problem

                                      

         Tupac and Snoop Dog Go Shopping

Myself and Snoop Dog, my best friend, headed to Toys R' Us to get a birthday present for my nieces seventh birthday. We rode in my golden, jacked up limo of course. I don't understand why I always get so many stares when I walk in places. Maybe I should have worn more gold chains. I also forgot my grill today. "Tupac what we gon' get?" Snoop Dog asked me. "Man, I don't know- maybe they have little kid grills," I said," kids like that right?" Snoop Dog nodded in approval. We asked the employee who worked there where there grills were and if they had any rose gold ones. She gave us a weird look. I don't understand why. I had to keep pulling up my sagging pants as I walked down each isle searching for those darn grills. Sometimes being fashionable is hard. Eventually, Snoop Dog and I got tired of looking for grills. I wanted to stay and keep looking but Snoop Dog just wanted to give her a signed album. "Man, lets head outta here," he said. I ignored him looking in the Barbie isle for grills. He grabbed me by my Tupac brand hoodie and punched me square in the face. Oh it was on now. We fought until I could no longer see and I heard Snoop Dog spitting words at me I hadn't even heard before. "We are giving her a signed album!" Snoop Dog  yelled. "I need to go home so I can count my money!" Snoop Dog walked off yelling more curses at me on his way out. I lay on the floor of Toys R' Us and got arrested once again for "disturbing the peace". Stupid Snoop Dog.

Monday,Oct. 27-Fairy Tale Name Poem

E- elusive

L- long hair

S- sister

A- adaptive

 

Friday,October24- X marks the spot

                                     
                        The Gold

              "Man, they sure were stupid to leave the door to the captain's door unlocked," I tell Captain Phillips and Jo. We have ransacked our enemies ship. As a result, we left with a good dinner and a treasure map. The route to the treasure map seems rather complicated. It is filled with many twists and turns. For weeks we search for the X. Just when we start to lose hope, I see a faint red stain on the sand. When I move the rocks that are overtop of it, I see it- the giant red X. "Over here!" I scream. My fellow crew members run over and we all stare with wonder at the red X. Captain Phillips demands for us to start digging. We dig for hours and hours until the dark engulfs us. My Captain has the honor of retrieving the wooden treasure box. It is very heavy. We break the lock and peer inside. I am excited to see was treasure is in the box. We will be rich! Together, Captain Phillips, myself, and Jo look into the box. We see....a huge pile of gold! We jump and cheer. Captain Phillips demands for Jo to carry the box into the ship. All of the sudden we here Jo slipping and falling. The who chunks of gold fall into the water. "No!" we all yell. I run over to retrieve the gold from the water and I am relieved when my hands find a pile of gold under the water. I pull the gold up and look at it. All I see is a pile of rocks with left over gold residue.One day later: My crew and I sit sadly. The treasure was nothing but a pile of rocks! Why would our enemies have a treasure map for a pile of rocks? My Captain opens the treasure box one more time hoping real gold will somehow appear. "Oh I see something!" he says. We all get our hopes up. He pulls out a piece of paper and reads "Gotcha -the enemy,". Our enemy ship tricked us......as always.

Thursday,Oct.23-Thats punny

                               
              This is not a PUN
    
       I can't think of any puns because I am awful at puns. They are never punny. Instead, I shall talk about how bad I am at puns for a few minutes. Once I was forced to participate in a best pun contest... I submitted ten awful puns in hope one would win. How many won? No pun in ten did.  I wish I had a photographic memory so I could remember each pun I came across. Maybe then I would be great at puns.  My uncle once had a photographic memory sadly, it never fully developed. I don't want to talk about my awful ability to create puns anymore. It is making me upset. Lets talk about baked goods shall we? I used to get the best baked goods from my friend's bakery. Unfortunately , it burnt down. Now her business is toast. Speaking of unfortunate accidents as far as cooks go, have you heard about that chef? He pasta way. Wow, I am very off subject from what this was supposed to be about. Have a great fall! Okay, more off subject.... I am just going to leaf.

Tuesday,October 21- Deja Vu

                                Who Are You?

The old man looked extremely familiar to Caroline as she continued to stare. She was at Whole Foods grocery shopping when she had stopped to cart when she saw the old man. He had silver grey hair and green eyes. Something about him was so familiar. It was frustrating Caroline couldn’t remember what or who. It wasn’t her grandparents… Maybe she had seen him in a movie. Caroline and the old man made awkward eye contact given Caroline had been staring at the man for a solid five minutes. Caroline looked down and walked away. Who did that man remind her of? It was driving Caroline crazy. He was definitely a stranger; Caroline did not know him in anyway. When Caroline got home she described the man to her mother and asked if he was familiar. Caroline’s mom simply said he seemed like any old man. Caroline’s mom told her she was probably experiencing déjà vu. This seemed to happen to Caroline often. She was tired of her mind playing tricks on her…or maybe that old man really did remind her of someone. Who could it be?

Thursday, Octorber 16- Rain

  Rain 

      I love rain. I love to stay at home, relaxed, with a warm cup of coffee and a movie listening to the pitter patter of rain drops falling from the sky. The best time for it to rain is at night. Thunderstorms bring the most soothing sound despite their angry front. The sound of the rain drops hitting the roof and the ground is what I would prefer to fall asleep to every night. I actually like the way rain looks as its falling. However, I hate the mud and the nasty smell it leaves. So no, I do not love everything about rain but, it is one of my favorite things.

Wednesday, October 15- I remember when...

     What happened to the children?
             
                             I remember when children were not so dependent on technology
                                          There was a time when children drew,
                                                  used their imagination
                                 There was a time a car ride did not require a tablet
                                         When boredom could be solved with a board game
                             When children would play outside until they could no longer see
                                  They get the technology obsession from their examples......

                                       
                                          Did you know children used to read?
                                                Not the directions in a game
                                                     Not off of a screen
                                                  They read off of pages!
                                                 I remember that time........
                                         

Friday, October 10- Pet Peeve

                    PET PEEVE
                       
                        I hate to hear people chewing their food or scraping their utensils on their teeth/ plate while they are eating. It is disgusting and I have to leave the room. I get very angry. The sound is the nastiest thing I have ever heard. So please, eat politely. and quietly.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misophonia (This is an actual neurological disorder)

Tuesday, October 7- The Flip Side

                                          Removed

                          Them:   That girl is not responsible
                                        She's only fifteen
                                 How can we trust her with children?
                                       The girl is just a teen
                            She doesn't care about the children or the church
                                     So she is no longer invited
                                  to take part in teaching our children
                                    Let's relieve her of her position
                                        I bet she is excited

                            Me:  Oh how I care for the kids I teach
                                         I don't want to go
                                     The parents are infuriated
                                 The church's decision is causing a show
                                        No, I'm not eighteen
                                    but does that really matter?
                           My class on Sunday never even caused a clatter
                                   Now I have to leave my kids that I teach
                                     I am far from excited
                           The very people who encouraged me to serve
                                    proclaimed me uninvited
                                   
                                    
                                      

Monday, October 6- Persona Poem

                                                                                      Cara
                                                                   I wake up for another day of work
                                                                         I don't even consider my work "work"
                    It is more a hobby that I get paid for
                           The makeup is put on
                        The eyebrows are groomed
                                      I wear Chanel
                                              I walk
                              Interviews are taken
                                      so are pictures
                            The makeup is taken off
                                             I sleep
                                      until tomorrow

Thursday, October 2- The Frog Prince

                                           The Witch and The Frog Prince                 

                 One day a prince was walking along the bank of a river when he stumbled across a beautiful girl who was so beautiful she had to be a princess. She had black hair and pale skin with piercing blue eyes. She kept throwing a golden ball in the air. All of the sudden the ball slipped out of her hand and rolled toward the prince. He picked it up and quickly devised a plan. "Is this your ball princess?" he asked. The girl looked at him and said, "Yes,  thank you for retrieving it for me." She held out a hand but he did not give back the golden ball. The prince saw she was confused and smiled as he said, "If you want your ball back, you must promise to marry me. I have been searching for a princess like you." The girl tried to snatch the ball from him but he held it back. So, she agreed to marry him. They went back to his castle and on that day they had their wedding. "You may kiss your bride!" The priest says to the prince. The prince and the girl kissed. The prince  fell to the ground. His skin turned green and his hands became webbed. His body shrunk until the prince was no longer there; only a nasty green frog was left. The girl retrieved the golden ball from the pocket of his coat which was now discarded on the ground. "I am not in fact a princess, I am a witch," she looked at the prince with her icy blue eyes, "You should really stop assuming things. Now, because you refused to give my golden ball back to me I have cursed you with my kiss. The curse can only be reversed if you convince another girl to marry you . Have a great new life." The witch threw her golden ball in the air and disappeared with a flash. The slimy green frog prince hopped off, terrified.

Wednesday, October 1- Fairytale Character

                                                      The Little Mermaid

                                                       Ariel loved the sea
                                      however, there was more she could be                                
                                The Little Mermaid saved a prince on his birthday
                                        this prince was very special to Ariel
                                        so she went to the evil sea witch, Ursula
                             for Ursula was the only one who could give Ariel legs
                                          Ariel got her legs but it came with a price
                               she lost her voice, the voice the prince fell in love with
                        When Prince Eric and Ariel meet again, he does not recognize her
                                           she could not sing or speak
                                 only a true loves kiss could save Ariel from Ursula
                                      Ursula fooled the prince with a disguise
                                     Ariel thought she had lost everything 
                                     Ariel's dad tries to save her and wins
           All of Ursula's prisoners were free and Ariel was exactly who she was supposed to be
                                    She got her legs and her beautiful voice
                            Prince Eric and The Little Mermaid lived happily ever after

                              








 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Mermaid_(1989_film) (information on The Little Mermaid)